if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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