Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
