Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
