Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
