i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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