I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
