This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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