My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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