I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
