My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
