she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
