omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
