i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
