I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
