Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
