Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
