I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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