i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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