First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
