Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
