she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
