i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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