I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
