Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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