WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Soap is not a condiment
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
