Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
