Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
