i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
