Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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