Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
