Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
