would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
