He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
