butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
