I just pynch a tree in the face
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
