I faked an abortion last night.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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