you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
