Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
