Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
