my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
