Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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