She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
