Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
