Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
