Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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