God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
