my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
