Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
