hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
