I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
