Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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