she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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