Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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