pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
